Monday, August 31, 2009

Puntos at Realisasyon

Ring...Ring...
Negi, bakit ang tagal mo sumagot?
Ay sori po nasa biyahe po ako...
Make sure etc...etc...etc...
End of call

2 missed call...

Dito nagsimula ang paggana ang utak ko...

Nakasakay ako sa jeep biyaheng Ybardolaza,Q.C. papuntang Intamuros, Manila. Kelanagn ko kumuha ng sertipikasyon kaya nagpaalam ako sa aking opisina na late ako makakapasok. Mahaba ang biyahe, mainit kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat patak ng pawis, langhap na lanaghap ang polusyon ng buong Maynila.

On the way, nagtxt ang isa naming writer:
Iriz c paul hindi sumasagot. Ingestn namin 10am,wala cia para dalin tapes. Oo,bday nya. Oomay karapatan cia magleave. Pero sanatnapos nia assignment bgo cia lumarga! Anuba naman ung sumagot sa txt?? kaninu kya nia balak IPAKISUYO ULIT ang mats?

Una ko ginawa,binati si Paul...
Pagkatapos, tinanong kung nasaan ang mga tapes niya...
Walang reply...

PUNTOS: Tama si Nanay Blessie...Hindi rason para iwan ang responsibilidad at maipasa sa ibang tao na may responsibilidad din...Unfair ito hindi lang dahil hindi sumasagot si Paul o wala siya sa opisina nung mga oras na yun...Unfair dahil ang mga taong naiwan kahit pa pagod o hirap ay responsableng niyayakap ang lahat...

REALISASYON: Hindi espesyal na araw ang birthday...Hindi ito dahilan para pagbigyan ka...Bulabog...Bulabog...at bulabog...Supresa...


Pagdaan ng Quiapo Church, may naalala ako...May nagbabalak magpakasal dito pero erase, erase, erase...Ayoko mabwisit...Pati simbahan ginagamit para pagusapan...oo,istorya at kinakagat...Ay naku kung hindi ko pa alam...At bilang naniniwala sa Mahal na Poong Nazareno,ako'y malaya na mainis...period...


2 missed call...

Write message:
Tita Kelly, Kuya Otep punta lang po ako comelec intramuros, may kukunin lang...Tenkz
Message Sent

Walang reply pero alam ko natanggap naman nila...


Tanong: Bakit ang tagal mo sumagot?
Sagot: Nasa biyahe po ako eh, maingay...Sa jeep lang ako sakay,mahal ang taxi kaya harurot ng jeep music ko...at mamahalin ang telepono ko no...hindi pwede pa-sway sway lang sa Maynila...Peace...Sensya...

Tanong ko naman: Kung nadinig ko naman, dededmahin ko ba? Kaya nga nakausap na ako kasi nadinig ko na...

PUNTOS: Mali ang hindi pagsagot ng cellphone kaya nga mobile phone para within reach lahat ng tao. Pero kung hindi nasagot tapos nasagot din, wag na mainis...Sumagot na nga db? Surely, may matinong rason kung bakit hindi nasagot. Hindi naman siguro trip lang na "Hindi ko muna sasagutin, tawag ka muna ulit"...Negative naman ako sa drug test eh...

REALISASYON: No point at all...sayang ang laway...ang memo pag tumatawag ang opisina, sagot agad...Nanginginig pa, walang patumpik tumpik...Importante, importante, importante...

Txt message...
Ang haba kaya hindi ko na iinsert...basta ang laman courtesy at walang pakialam sa oras ng iba...

Hindi nakakatuwa yun ha,aayusin mo lahat noong gabi tapos umaga parang wala lang...wala ka ginawa at all...Ikaw ang mabibwisit...ggggrrrr...


PUNTOS: Usap tayo, mga mass communications graduates pa naman tayo lahat...Pwede magsalita at dumada...Dito nga lang daw tayo magaling sabi ng journ prof ko na galit sa mass comm majors...

REALISASYON: Mataas yata ang salitang courtesy, lets make it simple, gawing nating CONCERN...Naniniwala naman ako na naituro sa atin ng bawat magulang natin yan...Dati isa sa golden rule ay magpaalam kung saan pupunta...Nagpaalam ka at sumunod kasi CONCERN ka...Iintayin tayo at hahanapin kapag hindi nagpaalam...Baka atakihin sa puso ang lola natin, magharakiri nanay natin o magsumbong sa pulis tatay natin...ngayon, simple na...Hari nawa matutunan...

11:56am
Kuya kukuha lang po ako ng certificate..
Kuyang Guard: Naku ate, lunch break na, kain ka muna saka ka bumalik...
Pero kuya abot ako eh,sakto lang...May pasok ako, hahanapin na ako, kelangan ko nga makabalik agad...Bawal nga ginawa ko,alam mo yun kuya...
Kuyang Guard: Ate oras na ng pagkain nila...

PUNTOS: Abot ako eh, wala pang alas dose...

REALISASYON: Tao sila, nagugutom at may oras dapat ng pahinga...at kahit pa may nagiintay (kahit pa may deadline) at kahit may mapapagalitan dahil sa pag-alis sa opisina (kahit pa may matatalakan), may oras ang bawat tao na dapat irespeto...Manigas ako pero kakain sila...

REALISASYON 2: Ang swerte nila kay kuya guard ha,pinoprotektahan talaga niya ang karapatang pantao ng mga nasa loob...


Ito ang halos kalahating araw ng biyahe ko papuntang Maynila...Isang paglalakbay na nagkaroon ng saysay dahil sa mga puntos at realisasyong hatid ng bawat taong parte na ng buhay ko, mga lugar na may bakas ng alaala at pusong bukas at may kakayahang intindihin ang nagyayari sa mundo...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Big "H"

Early morning, as I open my email, I received one from a friend, Mimosa… A sad face, with a note “i'm tired naaaaaaaaaaaa........” Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakatanggap ako ng ganitong mensahe mula sa kanya… There's something wrong...

End of last year, we have been talking about what will happen next to our lives… I took advantage of the Christmas vacation para mag-isip… Saan nga ba ako pupunta? Ano ba ang gusto gawin? Before the new year starts, I felt not ready again to leave...Reasons why? I don't want to elaborate pero alam ko and I felt that I want to...Pero sa tuwing may mangyayaring nakakasama sa loob ko (mapagalitan, maiparamdam na mali ginawa mo o ang parang wala ka ginawa, isisi sa'yo at sabihing dapat nagawan mo ng paraan ang sitwasyong hindi mo naman hinawakan mula sa simula at itapon ang ideyang pinaghirapan), then here I am again, thinking of leaving this life is the best thing to do...

Ilang beses ko na sinabi ito sa sarili ko, sa mga kaibigan, sa blog...
Nakakasawa na din to entertain the feeling of wanting to give up then in the end, telling everybody and to myself that I want to stay with reasons na hindi ko alam DAW at basta ko na lang naramdaman...

The big question is "HOW?"...Paano mo ba malalaman na tama na? Mimosa is tired... Prue is so tired and don't see any light of working with some... Pek doesn't feel like an asset to the program...Ate J has her husband to provide...Julia is willing to leave her career anytime, by all means...But we are all staying...Is this stupidity?

Hahahaha...Habang sinusulat ko ang blog na ito, I received a call from Prue, galit, biwisit, pagod, ayaw na...haaaaaay... Life in this environment is such a WOW, a "space shutttle" ride experience...

Back to the Big "H", I tried to look for answers, reasons and points so I can have the courage, be brave enough to do the right thing, I even prayed...But I got none though he made me realized one thing na palagi niya ginagawa, to change the way I'm praying for everybody...That instead of asking for a new career path, ask for a clearer mind to appreciate where we are now (kahit mahirap)...And that instead of praying na mawala sa buhay namin ang mga taong nakakapagpa-init ng ulo namin, sana hindi na lang mabawasan ang mga taong nakakapagpasaya...

Let's all hope...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Loving... Again?

Yes, my friends told me its possible..Am I dealing with it now? Why am I feeling the comfort again? Why do I again feels like being ready to surrender and submit my whole life to him?

And yes, I am looking forward to everyday with him...

We'll maybe its true love, maybe spaces work, maybe time heals, maybe we are really meant...maybe other people who came into our lives when we live seperately are instruments to make us feel each other's worth...All uncertainties...

But what I am sure now is that I want to start it right and slowly this time...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

SATURDAY
I sent a group message to all my friends,friendly quote...I received a reply, "Hus dis po? Tnx..I replied, hay, hir I go again...Iriz hir...

This is the second time that he did this to me...I told to myself this is too much...Enough of the stupidity...He wants you to realize that even his phone doesn't have any space for you...I felt the sadness for I'm not expecting anything from him...

Then,an affected me...Loser...

SUNDAY
After watching the episode, I went to the church for one thing - to pray for my heart...I said to the Lord, please help me forget how much I loved and how I am ignored...I told him okai,fine,it won't work out,got it...but please help me, make me strong...Help me accept the fucking situation he puts me into...
I AGAIN declared to the universe and this time I'm serious - It's over...I'll start within myself...

MONDAY
Morning
I went to the office with a light heart...Thank you Lord...I know u heard me...
Night
A friend txted,saying hi...Since it's a common friend,I thought of him...Then I asked..."No problema niya? Bkt hindi naka-save number ko?" My point is I'm not doing anything to bother him...Is he sending a message that I should really quit communicating? Its just a quote, sent to many...Just that...
My friend replied, "Nyeh, ano un, e nakalagay pa nga kung smart or globe eh"
So what? What's the message? So confused...

TUESDAY
An ordinary day...Light heart, free spirited...Never thought of it again...I'm standing on the position...Being strong...

WEDNESDAY
At Gerardo's, a friend asked, "San na globe m? I replied,"Nasa bag,kaya ko na i-let go" Not waiting for anything, that I really mean...
After an hour,I received a txt "_ _ _ _ sorRy..;c tnku parn"
I bravely pulled myself and did not respond...

What's this? What do you want? What's the point? I'm okai, I have moved on...But just when I'm starting to move on AGAIN, and declared that I will really be firm with this decision, I will hear from him...

Is this a test? Please not now, its too early...Still,I am weak...Coz now, look I'm bothered and disturbed...should I txt him? What if? What if? What if?

So tired...Enough...I kept quiet...I even say it's okai...I guess I deserve to put my feet up as well as my heart...

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Air of Mystery

Yesterday is my parent’s wedding anniversary…But since they are both in heaven, nobody did celebrate this special day…As much as I wanted, I cannot…This is because it’s only their hearts bound together knew the feeling that this day entails twenty five years ago ‘till one left and the other followed.

Air of Mystery that only the heart can explain.

To my tatay and Inay, happy anniversary…Sorry for posting the entry the day after…I know that you saw us working for her birthday episode that I woke up 2:00 pm today…I love you nay, tay and I’m missing you both so much…Please tell HIM to help me lessen the wretchedness…This is the best thing I can do for I cannot wish him to bring you both back to us…