Big "H"

Early morning, as I open my email, I received one from a friend, Mimosa… A sad face, with a note “i'm tired naaaaaaaaaaaa........” Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakatanggap ako ng ganitong mensahe mula sa kanya… There's something wrong...

End of last year, we have been talking about what will happen next to our lives… I took advantage of the Christmas vacation para mag-isip… Saan nga ba ako pupunta? Ano ba ang gusto gawin? Before the new year starts, I felt not ready again to leave...Reasons why? I don't want to elaborate pero alam ko and I felt that I want to...Pero sa tuwing may mangyayaring nakakasama sa loob ko (mapagalitan, maiparamdam na mali ginawa mo o ang parang wala ka ginawa, isisi sa'yo at sabihing dapat nagawan mo ng paraan ang sitwasyong hindi mo naman hinawakan mula sa simula at itapon ang ideyang pinaghirapan), then here I am again, thinking of leaving this life is the best thing to do...

Ilang beses ko na sinabi ito sa sarili ko, sa mga kaibigan, sa blog...
Nakakasawa na din to entertain the feeling of wanting to give up then in the end, telling everybody and to myself that I want to stay with reasons na hindi ko alam DAW at basta ko na lang naramdaman...

The big question is "HOW?"...Paano mo ba malalaman na tama na? Mimosa is tired... Prue is so tired and don't see any light of working with some... Pek doesn't feel like an asset to the program...Ate J has her husband to provide...Julia is willing to leave her career anytime, by all means...But we are all staying...Is this stupidity?

Hahahaha...Habang sinusulat ko ang blog na ito, I received a call from Prue, galit, biwisit, pagod, ayaw na...haaaaaay... Life in this environment is such a WOW, a "space shutttle" ride experience...

Back to the Big "H", I tried to look for answers, reasons and points so I can have the courage, be brave enough to do the right thing, I even prayed...But I got none though he made me realized one thing na palagi niya ginagawa, to change the way I'm praying for everybody...That instead of asking for a new career path, ask for a clearer mind to appreciate where we are now (kahit mahirap)...And that instead of praying na mawala sa buhay namin ang mga taong nakakapagpa-init ng ulo namin, sana hindi na lang mabawasan ang mga taong nakakapagpasaya...

Let's all hope...

Loving... Again?

Yes, my friends told me its possible..Am I dealing with it now? Why am I feeling the comfort again? Why do I again feels like being ready to surrender and submit my whole life to him?

And yes, I am looking forward to everyday with him...

We'll maybe its true love, maybe spaces work, maybe time heals, maybe we are really meant...maybe other people who came into our lives when we live seperately are instruments to make us feel each other's worth...All uncertainties...

But what I am sure now is that I want to start it right and slowly this time...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

SATURDAY
I sent a group message to all my friends,friendly quote...I received a reply, "Hus dis po? Tnx..I replied, hay, hir I go again...Iriz hir...

This is the second time that he did this to me...I told to myself this is too much...Enough of the stupidity...He wants you to realize that even his phone doesn't have any space for you...I felt the sadness for I'm not expecting anything from him...

Then,an affected me...Loser...

SUNDAY
After watching the episode, I went to the church for one thing - to pray for my heart...I said to the Lord, please help me forget how much I loved and how I am ignored...I told him okai,fine,it won't work out,got it...but please help me, make me strong...Help me accept the fucking situation he puts me into...
I AGAIN declared to the universe and this time I'm serious - It's over...I'll start within myself...

MONDAY
Morning
I went to the office with a light heart...Thank you Lord...I know u heard me...
Night
A friend txted,saying hi...Since it's a common friend,I thought of him...Then I asked..."No problema niya? Bkt hindi naka-save number ko?" My point is I'm not doing anything to bother him...Is he sending a message that I should really quit communicating? Its just a quote, sent to many...Just that...
My friend replied, "Nyeh, ano un, e nakalagay pa nga kung smart or globe eh"
So what? What's the message? So confused...

TUESDAY
An ordinary day...Light heart, free spirited...Never thought of it again...I'm standing on the position...Being strong...

WEDNESDAY
At Gerardo's, a friend asked, "San na globe m? I replied,"Nasa bag,kaya ko na i-let go" Not waiting for anything, that I really mean...
After an hour,I received a txt "_ _ _ _ sorRy..;c tnku parn"
I bravely pulled myself and did not respond...

What's this? What do you want? What's the point? I'm okai, I have moved on...But just when I'm starting to move on AGAIN, and declared that I will really be firm with this decision, I will hear from him...

Is this a test? Please not now, its too early...Still,I am weak...Coz now, look I'm bothered and disturbed...should I txt him? What if? What if? What if?

So tired...Enough...I kept quiet...I even say it's okai...I guess I deserve to put my feet up as well as my heart...

Air of Mystery

Yesterday is my parent’s wedding anniversary…But since they are both in heaven, nobody did celebrate this special day…As much as I wanted, I cannot…This is because it’s only their hearts bound together knew the feeling that this day entails twenty five years ago ‘till one left and the other followed.

Air of Mystery that only the heart can explain.

To my tatay and Inay, happy anniversary…Sorry for posting the entry the day after…I know that you saw us working for her birthday episode that I woke up 2:00 pm today…I love you nay, tay and I’m missing you both so much…Please tell HIM to help me lessen the wretchedness…This is the best thing I can do for I cannot wish him to bring you both back to us…

Happpy Daaaaaays with my BEST FRIENDS in work....

sNeaK PrEviEw of La Luz,San Juan Batangas!!!!

A decade of friendship and still counting...

At Allan's House...(ramil-new friend?,bebe,potchie,allan,mayann,arianne)

Our Daddy Jansen...

The Mommy Cathy

Another shot @ Logo Jam

Exterior Shot

Not a typical group...We don't text too often...We don't even see each other always...We even lost track of what's happening on each other's life...But the good thing, we catch up...